His leg was touching hers and he wasn't moving it, and she didn't plan on moving hers either. It felt nice, lying there next to each other making conversation as the hot sun beat down on them and the cold, sharp water licking at their toes while they maintained this extra piece of contact. She didn't know what it meant, them touching, but she liked the idea of some possibility or meaning behind it, it was almost a perfect day. Except for the giant ball of anxiety inside her that continued to twist and fester into every piece of her being, threatening to consumer her completely. Even as their legs brushed together, she could only feel the glow of the moment for so long before she was pulled back under the suffocating all consuming veil of anxiety that made her numb inside. She felt like everything real had been sucked out of her and that she couldn't experience any real emotions anymore, try as she might all she could do was experience them superficially and they would never sink deeper. All she thought about was being able to love him properly again, she constantly thought back to when he had loved her, but this scared her more because as the anxiety and fear ate at her insides it was also slowing draining all the light and beauty from her body, leaving less and less of herself for him to love back. At the same time and she was wishing for his love, she couldn't shake the feeling that what she really wanted was to be dead, but what could she do? She was just another angsty teenager with a crush on a boy and a touch of depression.
He came back upstairs then, and she tried to hug him but when he flinched away she punched him, twice, then letting her rage slip out for a moment, she slapped him too. He just stood there and took it though, what did he care? he just walked back downstairs.
She followed him again and immediately brought him back upstairs. This time she really did hug him, but while they were holding each other he tried to push her over the railing to the floor below, but she was able to grip the railing just in time, so he slammed her into the lockers instead, then he began to tighten his grip around her neck, until the point where she was feeling light headed and was gasping for air, suddenly he stopped, and they began to kiss but soon he let go and fled towards the tracks for a third time. When she finally coaxed him back upstairs she tried to hug him once again, to retrieve the intimacy and strength she felt in his arms, but he just pulled away. This was the final straw knowing that she couldn't have him anymore and knowing that he didn't love her anymore was like being shot in the gut, and she just sunk down against the lockers, all the fight drawn out of her.
He didn't seem to notice her change in demeanour and grabbed the two duffle bags and rummaged through them as she had done, he finally looked up at her and said; "You would steal my cigarettes you whore." and left her forever.
She knelt down and entered the lock combination and the door swung open, she turned around and looked at him and saw his beautiful face lined with silent agony. He dropped onto the ground next to the locker and sat there not knowing what to do with himself, out of frustration he began slamming the locker door over and over and over, people began to stare but all they saw were two skin heads causing trouble.
She sighed and knelt down next to him, stretching out a hand to comfort him, just then a security guard walked up to them; "any trouble friends?" he asked, "No." She replied. The guard looked at them wearily and walked to lean against the wall to keep an eye on them from a distance. She looked back down at him, he was still wearing his ring which he was ow twisting around his finger in agitation. Suddenly he got up and sprinted down the stairs to the train platform below, she followed swiftly after him, he pelted directly toward the edge of the platform but she caught him and pinned hims against the wall. He moaned in resigned agony, whimpering almost it was a feeling of hopelessness and numbness that she understood all too well. As she held him against the wall she was close enough to catch his scent, not cologne just his normal comforting scent of cigarettes, soap and sweat. She went back up the stairs and he lagged behind, but she knew he wouldn't actually do anything. She opened the locker and pulled out the two big black duffle bags within, she rummaged through them and pulled out some cigarettes, thats all she really wanted back.
The train station was crowded and hot. There were people milling about, the air was heavy with the scent of Cinnabon and self-importance. They had planned to meet, get there things and leave, and they would never have to see each other again.
She was wearing her worn leather jacket and was over heating, but she didn't care whether or not she smelt like shit at this point. As she waited for him on the benches she twisted one of her jet black dreads nervously between her fingers. Just then, he appeared, her heart skipped a beat and momentarily leap into her throat, how could he look so beautiful just walking and not even realize it? His dark hair was greasy and messy, his piercing blue eyes were swollen with dark bags underneath them from lack of sleep, and he was thinner than when she had last seen him, it took all her strength to keep her rooted in her chair and to not get up and run to him. He walked up to her with his hands in his pockets and stood before her without saying a word, they stared at each other for a moment, then she stood up and they both walked towards the locker in silence.
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