Tuesday, March 11, 2014


The homeless man on the bus espousing cheap, common platitudes into an outdated Nokia, "Listen Kathy, life is what you make it, you're only young once, shut the fuck up and listen, 90% of life is showing up, the early bird gets the worm, know what I mean?"

Wednesday, January 8, 2014


Eat em! I pulled them out special for you! I saved all my special things for when I got to see you, I set everything up just so, so you’d notice it and decide to love me based on the angle that i “carelessly” toss my throw pillows on the couch and the cute way I set the table and the funny slippers i set by the door for you to notice. didn’t you see the new undershirt I bought to peak out from just underneath this top I’m wearing over it just the right amount, didn’t it make you want to take me in your arms and squeeze just tight enough for me to feel safe and whisper “I love you” in my ear? No? Well then what about the mascara? This one said that it would give me super-sonic eyelashes. Can’t you feel a slight breeze when I bat my eye lashes coyly in your direction? Does it make you want to sweep me off my feet and take me away with you? Oh golly. Oh I know! My cute, funny and quirky jokes must endear you! I know they must! I read in Cosmo that guys like a low-maintenance gal. Oh… what’s that? You missed what I said just there? Oh.. well never mind then, I won’t repeat it… it wasn’t worth it anyways. OHOH! did you notice the music in the background? It’s Jazz. I know you like Jazz. Don’t you think I’m just the most intellectual and interesting gal? Listening to jazzzz and all that?! No? Oh, well… well what if I drop a name, as they say. Yes, yes I like that John Cold-train fellow, and no, no I just can’t stand that Joshua Red-man, he’s just too in there for me. What’s that? I was mumbling again? But I thought soft-spoken women were sexy… Oh, oh well again, I shan’t repeat myself. Time to try again. make a joke, laugh, don’t let him see you sweat. or smell, or eat or drink for that matter. You’re Grace kelley on a Skate Board. You wear pearls but you can chug a beer. You hate spiders but you’ll jump out of a plane, go on, giggle. Jack-ass? Oh yes, you are! Oh… oh goodness me, I meant…Yes! I’ve seen it! All seven of them! I felt like stabbing myself in the eye, oh what’s that? No, no, no, you miss heard, I meant I laughed so hard I couldn’t breath! Other men? Why in heavens would I look at another man?! I mean you’re so busy looking around that you’d most certainly spot me looking the other way. Oh nothing, just a giggle again. Oh where were you before you came here? (heart drops thirty stories into your stomach, which is empty, you weren’t going to eat until he got here) Oh you ate at her house? Cool man, totally radical, is she well? Don’t let him see you sweat, you’ll smell. Don’t be mad, he’ll think you’re a bitch. Oh the necklace you gave me? Why yes I wear it everyday. Won’t you let me look after you? No. That’s right, you’re full. No, no. you can’t stay. Because father is upstairs waiting for you to leave and you don’t know it and he won’t come down until you’ve left. You’re upset? You wanted to stay? A minute ago you didn’t even want dinner. WHY?! Well if I wanted to date two people I would have moved to Bountiful, British Columbia. No. I want you, so much my imagination can’t imagine what it would be like to lose you. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thud. Thud. Thud. Don’t cry he doesn’t get it. breath just breath, he thinks he’s being sweet. No matter how many girls want him he won’t pick em, lucky girl you are. He’s drunk. So are you. Shut up. I can’t. WHY?! Because I’m in your mind you self-absorbed prick. PRICK?! NO. BOOM, BOOM, boom. quiet now you’ll have to work, work, work. soon. Live in the now, because if you don’t tomorrow it’ll be SDM. SDM?! SMD! what? Nothing. No I’m Audrey, I’m Grace, I’m Elizabeth, I’m Tony Hawk?! No. You’re so 90’s. You’re clueless. Shut up you bitch, you aren’t cool. I would be if I understood jazz. Lies. That’s what They told me at the hip store, hipster. No Shakira! Fuck you. No shhhh!! Listen. This song. It’ll get him. He’ll hear it and understand every lyric and then, finally he’ll sweep you off your feet. Oh… never mind, he doesn’t want to listen. He wants to go. Go where? to sleep. So do eye. woops I meant I. I don’t mean I because I do everything for you. But I don’t she does. The queen asleep in her bed, sleeping always and working her magic, bringing happiness to her tribe of artists, she’s the only one who can. She’s smart. Not me, her. OH I KNOW! My socks! can you see em?! Funny? Eh? EH? No.. you didn’t notice. Why did I spend money on anything, I shan’t even take my coat off. I’m always cold. Don’t you like things just so? Doesn’t anyone mind?? A shirt has to just touch the pants like so, pants have to end at the end just like this. coats have to fit 360 degrees just like they should and everything will be ok. Coco knows, just ask her. Black and white. Everything was wonderful. The phone would always ring. it’s too quiet. won’t he remember? no. he’s with the other one, the one where he notices every little detail every rise and fall every lilt and jingle and every secret message whispered by the drummer. He’d by her a beer. me? Oh I’m ‘on lock’ dawg. I’m sweating again don’t come near. please don’t you won’t think i’m just like coco. Always napping and never sleeping. Cute as a button but vicious too! No. Please love me. I’m elegant. Merci. Grazie, T.S. Elliott, Queen Elizabeth, Ernest Hemingway, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Zelda, Paris, Eton, Vermeer, Sylvia, Ian McEwan.